The anticipation and excitement builds from the moment the words are spoken, “You’re pregnant.” It matters very little if this is the first child or one more of many. For some, this moment of conception has come easy; for others, it has been a difficult journey – a journey of hopes met with seemingly unending disappointments resulting in nights filled with tears. Would this time be different?
Here, now, begins nine long months of waiting. It’s a season filled with mixtures of joy and happiness with traces of fear sprinkled throughout. How often do you see the doctor to ensure everything is still okay? What lifestyle changes do you make to mitigate any potential risks? How soon do you reveal the news? After all, no matter how much you try to hide the effects of your pregnancy, it’s only a matter of time before others notice.
Oh, the choices and the daunting preparation that ensues. Blue or pink; or, green and yellow? Safety, of course, is another major concern. By all means and regardless of the costs the baby must be kept safe. And, then, there’s the budget adjustments. Children are expensive.
After the many doctor visits, the endless preparations, the painful, sleepless nights, the day has finally arrived.
The day is upon you; labor has commenced; and, the child is delivered…dead. Stillborn.
A day that was supposed to be exploding with joy and elation is crushed with debilitating sadness and deep, searing emotional pain.
If the loss wasn’t hard enough, you’re now forced to deal with the aftermath. Each time you look at the empty crib and every morning you see the stretch marks reminding you of what once was and is now no longer. What lasted only nine months will be a memory that follows you for a lifetime.
If you knew the outcome, would it change anything?
But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when is has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. – James 1:13-14
The story above is a reflection of our own sin. Don’t misunderstand me. Stillbirths are not necessarily God’s punishment for someone’s sin. Rather, the offspring of death (e.g. stillbirth) is exactly what sin produces and physical death is only one natural repercussion of sin entering into the world. James uses the picture of a stillbirth to help us better understand the outcome of our sin.
Please also understand that I’m not trying to be insensitive to the physical and emotional pain of a physical stillbirth – it is real. I’m sorry for anyone who has to experience it.
What’s more unfortunate, however, is that we don’t feel this way about our sin and we treat our sin the same way as described above. Our sin brings us momentary joy and happiness while mixed with a fear of the outcome. We go to church and listen to our preachers (viz. the hospital and the doctor) once a week to make sure we’re still okay. We change our lifestyles – add passwords to our computers, hide pornographic magazines in drawers and under our beds, create different social media accounts, schedule “meetings” after hours, drink more heavily, abuse drugs, slice our wrists, our spouses wear long sleeves and pants to hide the bruising, etc. – to cover our sins. Some of us even attend different churches because we feel the message being spoken at our current church is too harsh; the message makes us feel uncomfortable. We attend new small groups because no one knows our history. All the while, we strive and toil so hard to hide the effects our our sin.
When we realize that we can no longer hide our sin, we paint it with appealing colors by blaming it on others, our situation or an unresolved chemical imbalance. We retreat to our “safe places” where we no longer feel judged by others and we (and our sin) are accepted. How dare others judge us; they have no idea what we’re going through. We make adjustments in finances to mask our pain and hide our sin by buying new houses and fancy cars, purchasing drugs, or hiring a prostitute for the night. We’ll try anything to experience a brief moment of relief and to show others that we’re doing fine.
It doesn’t work. None of it.
And, what makes matters worse is that we know the outcome, but it hasn’t changed a thing. We still find joy while engaging in our sin all the while ignoring the inevitable results. We simply don’t care – we actively pursue sin for the instant gratification that it delivers. We shrug our shoulders and claim, “it’s only natural.” And, when our sin has finally passed, we are still left with the scars and life’s shattered fragments reminding us of our choices and the pain they’ve caused.
You may find yourself hurting for and sicked by the stillbirth of a child. When will you hurt for and be disgusted by the stillbirth of your sin?
The joy of your stillbirth is fleeting (ref. Hebrews 11:25).
