It’s a strange feeling indeed to sense a disconnect from all that you’ve spent your life working towards. A career, an identity, a talent nurturing…all of it. Yet, here I am, and there it all goes.
Growing up in the technology space during the 80s, there were a few companies that a wide-eyed, hopeful teen would dream of working for. Microsoft was one of those companies on a very short list. Though I had been an entrepreneur for years–starting a few technology companies–the possibility of being a part of such a company never escaped me. Then, six years ago, I got that chance.
During these past six years, Microsoft has been everything I had hoped for. I’ve had the opportunity to work alongside some of the most talented and amazing individuals. While, like every job, it’s had its ups and downs, the experience has been amazing overall. God has allowed me to build relationships with incredible people, achieve some pretty significant accomplishments, and all while doing what I love. The ride has been exhilarating. But times change and so do aspirations. That which I once dreamed about–joining Microsoft–has been attained and the lacquer has faded.
Over the past few months, God has stirred a new (or perhaps, rekindled a dormant) passion of mine–teaching and writing. In this, and in all good ways, I’ve lost myself. My time and energy have been spent in much study to ensure the quality of my teaching and the accuracy of the content. I’ve been forced to create new habits and disciplines. In many ways, I’ve had to reinvent myself. This isn’t an application I’m developing that can be improved over multiple iterations. Instead, this is the Gospel. The content must be faultless and its delivery must be handled with precision.
The teaching and writing would be stale and lifeless if it was merely an expression of my human creativity. But, I want them to be much more. I want them to bring people to Jesus. My expressions cannot be simply of myself but must be an overflow of my personal worship. That worship increases in the presence of Christ. The more time I spend with him, the more I’m drawn to him. I can’t help it; I cannot resist. All of my study and effort center around knowing him and making him know. But, this focus comes at a cost.
Seasons must change. Sometimes, so do one’s passions. Over these past few months, as I’ve followed God’s “redirection,” these things I once deeply enjoyed no longer have much meaning in my life. What was once an aspiration from my youth has now simply become a utility–it’s a job that pays the bills.
Microsoft was never wrong for me. It was the best thing in the right period of my life. I am confident that it was God’s doing six years ago, but those times have changed. He has given me a new purpose–a new direction. For the moment, Microsoft will remain until such time God chooses to close the door completely.
It has always been the case, but even more so today, that no goal or aspiration comes close to knowing Christ Jesus as Lord. God has been so good to give me an opportunity to live out my dream, but in the end, “things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.”
